It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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