my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
