i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
