You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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