If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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