Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
