I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
