trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
