Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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