I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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