Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
