Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
