I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
