Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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