He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
