I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
