Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
