you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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