You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
