he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
