porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
