So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
