do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
