2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
