Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
