He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
