he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
