hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
