I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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