After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
