So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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