after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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