found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
