I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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