the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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