I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
