cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
