I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
