My liver just broke up with me...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
