My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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