I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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