I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
