There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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