There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
