I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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