Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
