Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
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you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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