Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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