Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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