I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize