I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
