I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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