Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize