You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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