when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out mid-signature
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
