Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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