I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
