After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
