theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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