drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I touched a dick in church today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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