If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
someone owes me an orgasm
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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