Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?