I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
