she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
