yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
