Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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