if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
