The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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