I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
