I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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