it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
