I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
